In Matthew 5:28 Jesus says,
“I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”So how can a pastor counsel a woman, in this situation, that she is equally to be blamed for her husband’s actions and sin if she has not been having sex regularly with him. Where in the world would a pastor get this counsel.
The Bible teaches in 1 Corinthians 7:5,
“ Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourself to prayer. Then come again together, so that Satan will not tempt you through lack of self-control."This is not a guilt free license for a man or a woman to have an affair. This verse in the Bible assumes that the couple is spiritually sound and making mutual decisions and mature enough to devote themselves to time of prayer.
When the marriage is broken because of lack of love, respect and communication, also because of past adulterous sin and other sins, a woman cannot be expect to comfort her husband in a sexual way. She is not a sex slave-- that is abuse. It is not a drudgery or a duty to be sexually involved with your spouse but a fruit of a mutual love that includes great respect day in an day out in the marriage.
I watched a dear friend nearly in shock hearing that she was responsible for her husband’s adultery online because she had not had sex with him in 6 months. However their marriage is was in shatters already. The pastor was unaware of many of the problems occurring in the marriage. The husband had removed his wife’s name from their joint checking account, cursed and screamed at her regularly, and had a very angry temper that he had not dealt with. What wife is going to want a physical relationship with a husband who treats her unloving?
The spouse who has the affair is being selfish and not thinking about all the damage he is creating to have his pleasure. His wife and children will be heartbroken. They will feel unstable, insecure and doubt their value. It is only God that can heal their hearts and restore their self-worth.
Ultimately, it is the enemy of God that is forever seeking to kill, steal and destroy what God loves. John 10:10 says,
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;"
But Jesus continues and says,
“I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly."
The one who chooses sin -- adultery -- chooses the way of Satan who comes to steal, kill and destroy, but the one who chooses Jesus and his will chooses life and will have life abundantly.
A person first needs to go to God directly in a one on one relationship and allow God to heal their agony. A friend can listen but only God can heal a broken heart.
(Photo Credits: the weeping rose by KoAn72, a failed valentine by mommaphant, touched by a rare rose by Nadavdov on Deviantart)