It meant more --it was more real-- during the years that I was going through trauma counseling and had to cling to God moment by moment in order to survive and at least have some semblance of sanity to function in the world.
But it is so easier to “fake” it -- that is, to pretend a walk with Christ -- when you are not needing to desperately cling to Him in order to wake, walk, sleep and talk.
To live is Christ... is that so?
If someone followed me around all day long and recorded not only my outward actions and words but my inward thoughts would this recording say “to live is Christ" about me? No, because not even I would admit it at my present state. But then, I am pretty hard on myself, especially lately.
Oh, how do I get back to the rawness of “to live is Christ and to die is gain” kind of life?
It takes truly practicing the presence of God.
|Photo Credit: seorangprempaun/deviantart|
Can I do that? Can I even try?
For five minutes...ten...twenty... when I am not praying, or trying to pray...when I am driving a car, washing dishes, making a bed, reading a book?
Can I die to myself and put God first in my thoughts? Can I let Him have control?
RADICAL ThoughtWhy am I holding onto myself and "my life" for anyway?
It is frankly a mess.
It can only get better if I put HIM in his rightful place of total ownership of me.
All I can do is repent of not doing this, and ask God to enable me to.
Here I am God, fill me, be my presence, and let me be fully in yours and when I wander, because you know I am prone to wander, draw me back.
This is why I love the song “Come Thou Fount” -- This is sung by Sarah Noëlle and it is a cover of Robert Robinson and John Wyeth's hymn, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing (1757)
For some reason many who record this old hymn take out this, my favorite part:
O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.
The Day 12 verse for Lose Your Ego, in our church’s devotional is “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom” Proverbs 11:2.
So as Christians we need to be as careful about losing our ego, as well as our Christian Ego. So many Christians walk about with a “holy” facade and should have a “life is good” logo tattooed on their forehead. Is that mean? (My dd told me I was not sensitive enough and self-aware enough.)
In a quest to not be a “holy” fake I let it all lay bare. I lean more to “it is what it is” “I am what I am” personality. And that scares the heck out of many people, especially church people, because they have taken decades of practice to know how and when to speak and act. (Who has time for that?)
So I can pray for God alone to temper me, not be be like others and to fit in, but to be like JESUS.
There should be no pride in becoming like Jesus and being acceptable to Him, because this is not a high road to take. Becoming like Jesus is learning to die to self, and if you are really doing that, no bragging or boasting or acting in ways that make people look at you will happen. I am far from that ideal: Jesus.