Who am I doing this for anyway?
Is God requiring it of me? no
Is it something I want to do? partially
Is it something I am afraid to stop? partially
I have not written on my blog basically since my mother died in Oct of 2015. So I started writing on it again five days ago to expand on the devotional verse given by my church to help us focus on God during a 40 day prayer time. And now I feel compelled --like if I miss one day I will have an incompletion in a college course. But since this is not so, what compels me?
I am writing again and making it public. I have been writing but I have kept it private. I almost came to the point that it does not matter if I write...because frankly, no one really cares. It does not effect anyone or anything expect for my mind and time and family.
I have come to believe that people really don’t even read blog posts anymore.
Who has time?
There is such a slush of writing; it does not matter.
So why do I keep pecking at the keys?
Why do I get up and go do something in my house and they come right back to this seat and keyboard?
Have I found my replacement to what I am giving up otherwise?
Have I found an idol, a small god?
Does my voice rattling in my head wedge out God’s voice?
And today I am suppose to “Lose my complacency” however I find I am cynical and complacent but wait...(what does it mean, anyway)
complacency: a feeling of smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements.
synonyms: smugness, self-satisfaction, self-congratulation.Good thing I looked it this definition. I really thought
complacency meant apathy, who didn’t
give a care. Well, it does to a degree mean this but it is
coupled with a lack of awareness that something bad or
dangerous is going to happen. A person who is happy with
himself and unaware or not worrying about pending trouble.
A person who continually eats junk food is complacent about
his health. Now it makes more sense. A person who is lazy
is complacent about her housework.
I guess I never connect being complacent with being satisfied
I KNOW that the LORD will act. He always does and He will fulfill his promise both of blessings and of curses.
And if this is so, then when am I so lackadaisical?
Oh, God, examine my heart and weed out the root of complacency. Help me to pinpoint the root and to need just nip at the fresh weedy shoots that are obvious. Expose the core of my desperate need.