"Yes," I reply, "I want to play." I want to draw, make jewelry and create all whimsical designs running around my soul, waiting to be explored.
But I stop. I wait for God to say, "Go, it is time, enjoy." Those words never come.
I could be sad. Maybe even mad! Why? I watch so many ladies getting to discover the childlike enthusiasm and fulfilling satisfaction of making wonderful things with their hands.
Recently, I visited a website that was so creatively expressive. It has been over the past year that I have been watching this women blossom in so many different fun activities. She is gushing with joy. And I am happy for her, but part of me feels a little green.
So much of what she does resonant the "wants" hidden inside of me, not yet fully explored. In my spirit, I am fluttering about deep within becoming beautiful, but I don't often get to play like I want. So much of me knows God will give a time for all to be explored, even if I must wait until until heavenly days of eternity. And I know those days will go on without end, and we will all be creating like our Father.
Today, in these present days, I am raising my three high-energy teens helping them to fulfill their dreams. And I am trying to be a loving wife to my beloved husband of 27 years.
I long to ease away from the serious grip of issues of the world: broken relationships, lies, impurity, laziness, painful experiences, illness, and watching our freedoms taken for granted until they are being usurped. So many things grip the heart of God! He cries when a baby is killed, when a person is raped, when a child does drugs, when a family is filled with violence, when greedy people steal from hard working families or when lazy people take advantage of kind hearted people... and unfortunately the list goes on.
And I know the grime reality stares back at me impressing the urgency of this moment. Sin can not be prevented by whimsical, artsy, playful days. And our days are numbered, time is short, and each has a calling from God on their life.
Yes, I want to indulge in what bring me that greatest freedom, Jonathan Livingstone Seagull carefree ways. Then God's love restrains me.
I pause knowing God gives each of us a role... a purpose... and He made me to see, to care, to speak up for truth, to stand in the gap, to lay prostrate in prayer, to grieve with the hurting, to give hope to the dying, to encouraging some to keep living no matter what they have been through or are about to enter, to plead for the unborn, and to stand on the battleground as a spiritual warrior!
It is then when I see who He made me to be, what He calls me to do, what He illuminates for me to see that I am lifted up by His Spirit. Isaiah 40:31 says,
Yet those who wait for the LORD will renew their strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.
And I humbly bow to my God, my Lord, My MASTER. I willingly become His bond-servant, His slave, out of love, and surrender my wishes for His. We are each called for His glory, and as a follower, we must be willing to obey what He asked us to do, knowing the grass/life on the other side is not better/greener. The best life is to live the life He directs step by step.
God created me for His purpose, for this time, to bring Him glory... each and every day. I shall rejoice in my calling, singing praises to Him as I learn to surrendered to accomplish what His heart desires!
Have you struggled with wanting to get to do what others do? Do you know what you are called to do?